Mar. 29th, 2014

darkangel_0410: (seabs & duncs)
I found this on this tumblr and had to share BECAUSE IT'S ALL TRUE, DAMN IT:


20 Things Hockey RPF has taught me that are irrelevant to the sport of hockey:

1. Either love the Canucks or viciously and brutally hate them and everything they stand for.

2. All Russian hockey players are secretly in a communist KGB society and totally up in each others business all the goddamn time, and when they go back to Russia they all knit together and get even more up in each others business.

3. There are a lot of Swedes.

4. Jonathan Toews has three incredible talents to his name—his skills in hockey, his ability to sound monotonous no matter what the situation, and his truly versatile derp faces.

5. Jeff Carter is the Juliet to Mike Richard’s Romeo, but instead of dying at the end they win a Stanley Cup.

6. ALL PAIRINGS ARE POSSIBLE IF YOU TRY HARD ENOUGH.

7. There is a small cloned army of Staals that exist in the state of North Carolina.

8. Coach Q is actually inspector gadget.

9. There are two Sedins but that’s irrelevant to the general existence of the NHL and RPF because a) they play for the Canucks and b) you’ll never tell them apart anyway.

10. Everyone in the NHL is somewhat secretly gay.

——10.5 (but in an ironic twist of fate not Lundqvist, who really should be gay but only just has pretty hair)

11. Tyler Seguin is in a polygamous relationship with a lot of men including but not limited to; his wife, Tyler Brown, his roommate, Jessie Black, his old linemate, Brad Marchand, his new linemate Jamie Benn and some guy who’s name I think is Fred.

12. Never was there a man as oblivious to human interaction than Sidney Crosby… BUT NO ONE PINES LIKE GENO MALKIN DOES.

13. Patrick Kane is a tiny baby boy.

14. But on that note, rpf has also taught me to love Patrick Kane regardless of the fact he’s kind of a raging douche.

15. All the Russians have sex with each other.

16. Deadspin is a terrible site that only follows hockey and is constantly prowling for the next big gay hockey scandal (or drunk Patrick Kane scandal).

17. Hate all Flyers but Claude Giroux and Danny Briere.

18. The general cause of fighting is someone raging on the dude you’re banging on your team.

19. DO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY AF JEFF SKINNER, THE DIMPLES ARE LETHAL. (Unless you’re Eric Staal)

20. You don’t actually need to know anything about hockey to read hockey rpfs, but by the end of it you’ll know more than all your hockey-fan friends.
darkangel_0410: (patrick is jesus)


FUCK YOU, PATRICK KANE AND YOUR RIDICULOUS HANDS. YOU OWE ME SO MANY PAIRS OF PANTIES.

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